that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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