I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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