my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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