The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
