Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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