So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
