Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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