so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
