Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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