I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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