If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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