Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This is my gift to your gina
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
