If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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