so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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