dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
