i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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