Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
did i just pee glitter
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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