Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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