FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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