all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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