haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
