Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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