I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
