dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
