then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
