uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
