I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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