Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
