I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
