I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize