ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
