my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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