My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
