i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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