i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
