i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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