In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
