Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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