So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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