she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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