Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
