I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
