the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
