make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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