Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
