Can i not drive my cunt home
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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