It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
