just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
