Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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