She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
