Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
