i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
