I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
