It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
