I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize