Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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