She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
