Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she told me i tasted like america
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
