my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
