My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
