Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize