dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
