Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
