My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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