Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
