Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
