If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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