remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
