i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
